5 "Are you sh@%*ing me?" Moments in Movies

andy w March 24, 2012 3
5 "Are you sh@%*ing me?" Moments in Movies

TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY

Before any fanboys begin to rip me to shreds, let me ask you if it isn’t a little too convenient that after the crash on the freeway, our protagonists wind up at a plant that has the ability to kill of the T-1000? Talk about lucky. And then the T-1000 tells Sarah Connor to call for John, so he can kill him, to which she refuses. Why does he bother to do this when it’s been established he can clone people and their voices. And he ends up doing this very thing anyway. He could have just killed her and been done with it.
Kill BILL vol. 2
I used to love this movie, but it’s totally absurd. I don’t care how badass Uma Thurman is, punching a wooden plank will in no way prepare her to smash her way out of a pine box buried six feet under. This is a huge suspension of disbelief. Tarantino did his best to make it believable, but it simply doesn’t work. Maybe people don’t know this, but dirt is actually pretty heavy, and with that much weight, it’s pretty much impossible to maneuver through. Girl would have suffocated.
THE DARK KNIGHT
Yes, everyone’s favorite “awesome” movie has its setbacks. After The Joker invades Harvey Dent’s fundraising party and drops Rachel Butterface out the window, Batman immediately jumps down to save her. And he does so by softening their landing on the top a taxi. That’s not my complaint. I just can’t help but wonder why the scene ends there. Isn’t The Joker still upstairs terrorizing the party guests? And isn’t Harvey Dent still trapped in a broom closet? Ending the scene certainly made things easier for Batman, since he no longer had to face his main foe (who he would have easily kicked the crap out of), so the movie could continue. It just never says why The Joker decided to up and leave with no reason. Makes you wonder why he even invaded the party to begin with, since he accomplished nothing.
CASABLANCA
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This movie is “one of the greatest ever made.” I thought it was pretty stupid. They set up this entire love story between Rick and Illsa (sexy name, by the way… #sarcasm). The whole movie pretty much explores their relationship and how they belong together. Then he puts her on a plane and sends her packing? Talk about no gratification. I guess they were going for “the greater good,” but this is a love story, and no one wants to be invested in a romance that doesn’t end up happening. It’s not deep, it’s not insightful, it doesn’t make you think… expect for what a waste of two hours. One of the worst Hollywood endings ever.
TITANIC
No offense to any fans of this movie, but what a selfish bitch Rose is. After taking a seat on a lifeboat (which were clearly hard to come by), she then jumps off so she can be with a guy she met less than a couple days ago. Like that would happen ever! She would have been gone. Consequently, this action made her indirectly responsible for two deaths. One, the person who would have gladly taken her lifeboat seat and stayed aboard; and two, Jack, because had she not jumped her chunky butt (yes, she’s chunky–her girdles are so tight she can’t even put her arms down) back on, after the boat sank, he could have floated on that wooden door instead of her, and probably have lived, since she did. Not to mention she let her own mother think she was dead. This is a character we are supposed to like? Are you shitting me?

3 Comments »

  1. Tom Fitzgerald June 23, 2012 at 4:35 pm -

    The T1000 couldn’t mimic Sarah’s voice as he was damaged from the liquid nitrogen.

  2. Tom Fitzgerald June 23, 2012 at 4:36 pm -

    And #2 Joker went to the event to kill Harvey Dent and the movie was already pushing 3 hours.

  3. Andy W. July 19, 2012 at 5:57 am -

    Are you sure about that with the T1000? Like I said, he ended up cloning her and her voice anyway. It was never established that he couldn’t do it for those (convenient) couple minutes. Still love the movie though.

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