5 – Cypher (played by Hayden Christensen)
Is anyone else surprised that Ol’ Anakin himself has not been cast as an E list superhero? I think the perfect role for him would be as one of the worst X-Men ever, Cypher. This little known “hero” has the amazing ability to be able to translate any language. Does he have super-strength? No. Flying powers? No. But he can sure tell you how much the invading aliens want to kill us. Sounds like a perfect role for the versatile Hayden Christensen. I’m thinking a better name for the character would be Rosetta Stone.
4 – Wonder Twins (played by Taylor Lautner & Selena Gomez)
Now you won’t be able to unsee these two “actors” as the respective twins. I don’t know why Jayna never started a solo crime fighting career. She can literally turn into any animal she pleases. While her unlucky brother can only turn into a body of water…even ice. Someone in this pair is the runt of the litter for sure.
3 – Arm Fall Off Boy (played by Vin Diesel)
You can safely assume every actor on my list is pretty terrible at this point. I believe Arm Fall Off Boy to be the most bizarre creation in all comicdom. His powers enable him to (you guessed it) take off his arm and use it as a club. I can see Vin Diesel with the one-liners now. “let’s give him a hand!” I’m sure the movie poster would say something like “Unarmed and Dangerous!”
2 – Matter-Eating Lad (played by Fred Savage)
I don’t dislike Fred Savage in any way, he just looked the part. I think this is the comeback he is looking for. So Matter Eating Lad could’ve one of the most dangerous people in all of comics. Imagine if he used his powers for evil. Iron Man would literally be toast. I think his time as a grand villain has arrived.
1 – Aquaman and Aqualad (played by Matthew Mcconaughey and Jaden Smith)
If anyone ever brought up the creepy relationship of Batman and Robin,first of all, shame on you. Second of all,they need look no further for a shady relationship than Aquaman and his cleverly named sidekick, Aqualad. By the way, what’s up with the use of lad in the 50’s? These are the most useless heroes ever. Yes I know that 70 percent of the planet is water, but I’m pretty sure their only nemesis for control of the seas is James Cameron.