The Fate of the Furious Review

Kenny D April 14, 2017 0
The Fate of the Furious Review

I’ve been on a diet lately and all I can think about is food. So, you’re going to have to forgive me for the following review. I have spent two weeks looking at the Nutrition Information on the back of everything I consume. To be honest, I don’t really have that chance because chicken, apples and celery don’t have those tags. I plug my calories into an app after every meal and always try to beat my calorie count. By beat, I mean go far under.

Two days ago, a coworker bought a box of delicious-looking donuts. The rest of my coworkers (who are also on said diet), laughed this guy out of the room, insisting that we could not be tempted. He left the donuts on the table. We all stood up to take a peek in the box of donuts and, at that time, there was no looking back. It’s almost as if the donuts jumped into our hands and subsequently into our salivating mouths. My succulent ring of temptation was a maple donut covered in cinnamon sugar. Oh, and it was filled with custard. I don’t remember anything being as tasty as that custard-filled cinnamon sugar maple donut.

That donut is The Fate of the Furious.

fate of the furious, fate of the furious review, the rock, jason statham

Yes, I finally got to a point. The Fate of the Furious is not just cinematic empty calories. These calories are guaranteed to set you back and actually have you asking for another. We devour these movies because they are so incredibly bombastic, that they’re a blast to watch. Both the audience and the filmmakers know that these flicks are terrible, but there’s an art to it. The producers know the recipe that works and will reach the widest possible audience.

In this, the 8th installment of the long-running franchise, we catch up with the gang as they are recruited for a macguffin mission in Berlin. Yet, there’s a twist this time around. Dom (Vin Diesel) betrays the group and goes rogue to work alongside the “best hacker on the planet” Cypher in the snow (Charlize Theron). Now, it’s up to a group of sidekicks to find out why Vin Diesel looks so grumpy. They chase him around the world like the international super-cops they are.

If you’ve never seen a Fast and Furious movie, or if you’ve only seen the first one, I would urge you to stay on your theatrical diet. You should not attempt to jump into the 8th movie and hope for a good experience. You’ve avoided it so far, why not continue. However, if you are fine with harmful calories that will make your inner ghetto teenager jump with glee, then I must urge you to see this movie. You’ve damaged yourself enough, why not go the extra 1/4 mile?

There are three elements that make this movie something special. The first is it’s complete lack of respect for the laws of physics. Isaac Newton (who might be a villain when the crew eventually goes back in time) dies a little more every two years when these movies produce another sequel. The other two elements are actually The Rock and Jason Statham. These two actors play enemies that must work together this time around and they make the flick worth watching. Somehow, they have taken this franchise from the hands of Vin Diesel and made it their own. To be honest, when neither actor is on screen, the movie gets quite dull. Nobody paid their $10 to see Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez share an emotionless scene together. The Rock and Statham are true action stars that truly deserve their own movie at this point.

If you are a fan of ridiculous action movies or have developed a taste for the gratuitously grandiose, I promise you that Fate of the Furious will not disappoint you. It has a sluggish middle section (It’s the dadbod of the franchise), but once the crew gets to Russia, strap in, because you’re going to see sports cars race and fight a submarine.

You will walk out of this movie with a complete sugar rush. But, just as that momentarily-delicious donut made my mouth happy, it made my stomach upset for the next hour. Fate of the Furious will make you laugh and please your eyes, but your brain will secretly judge you for what you just consumed. C (Though, if you’re going to see it, it’s worth it on the big screen.)

Comments are closed.