Transformers Dark of the Moon

Well here we are again. Two years gone by and we get another transformers movie. I’ve barely had time to get the bad taste of Transformers 2 out of my mouth and Michael Bay serves up a heaping platter of cheese and robots. Don’t get me wrong, I quite enjoyed the first one for what it was and was very happy to see the toys of my childhood on the big screen in grand glory. But then that second movie came out and made me feel ashamed I ever owned Rodimus Prime.

In this movie a few years have gone by and all the characters are on to new things. Sam Witwicky is out of college and looking for a job in D.C. Megan Fox has apparently dumped him and decided to date one of the younger reviewers of the review spew staff. Sam now has this gorgeous new girlfriend and that’s what makes this movie truly science fiction. How does this mousy jewish kid get victorias secret models fawning over him? Personally I believe he has stolen the machine from the movie “Weird Science” and is creating these beautiful women. Anyways, the decepticons have been quiet for a long time, while the autobots are helping uncle sam fight terrorism. But, findings of a transformer spaceship are found on the moon and the autobots race to keep what they find out of the hands of the decepticons. Needless to say, bad things happen and Chicago gets destroyed.

I don’t hate Shia Lebouf like many others do. At least the guy can admit when he’s made a bad movie. He’s fine enough as a whiny guy who wants to feel important for having saved the world twice already. His new hot girlfriend doesn’t add anything new and even makes Megan Fox look like Meryl Streep. (No, I’m not saying she makes her look hideous, just that she is a much better actress)

This is a long movie and it feels long, but strangely only for the first hour and a half. There was a whole bunch of transformer dialogue and scenes that were only included to move from awkward joke to awkward joke. There were so many plot holes, but Michael Bay must be a magician because so many things are being discussed that you forget the previous plothole and it becomes unimportant because you’re just waiting for the last battle.

Michael Bay must have listened to the critics because he has removed most of what made Revenge of the Fallen so bad. Gone are the two jive-talking, racial-stereotyped robots. Bumblebee doesn’t urinate on anyone in this movie. John Turturro is not shown wearing a thong. And the tiny Joe Pesci robot doesn’t hump anyone’s leg in this movie. That’s not to say that Michael Bay completely listened. He has replaced the jive robots with Scottish-stereotype robots, and the tiny gremlin robots are just as annoying as ever. I’m just happy that Skids and Mudflap are gone.

Let me discuss the most important part of the movie. The final hour. It is literally one solid hour of explosions, robot battles, and buildings collapsing. And let’s not forget the marines in the flying squirrel getups. This hour starts off in a bizarre way. The decepticons start attacking Chicago and the next scene we see is Chicago destroyed. I’m truly disappointed in Michael Bay for forgetting who he is and not showing the carnage and destruction. Though what we do get is a great, long final showdown between the humans, autobots, and decepticons. Without sounding like a smelly, oily weirdo, there were times that my palms were sweating because of the intensity. Oh, and for the first and hopefully last time ever, I suggest you see this in 3D. This is the kind of movie 3D was made for. It doesn’t have a crappy post-conversion look that every other 3D movie has. It’s more in the vein of Avatar quality.

That was really hard for me to say. I really hate 3D.

All in all, this is the best movie Michael Bay could have ever made. I would have gone for the final hour alone and could have skipped the first hour and a bit. Is this movie ridiculous? Yes. Is it for the brainless masses? Yes. But saying that, I say it’s worth seeing in the theater. Your TV at home just wouldn’t be able to do justice to the destruction. The first half of the movie is deserving of a D, but that last hour is a solid B+. Let’s average it out and give it a C+.