Getaway from this movie as fast as you can!
I’m just letting you know now that this entire review is about to spoil most of the movie. And just in case you aren’t paying attention, let me add this…..
As Getaway begins, we find out that Brent Magna’s (Ethan Hawke) wife was just violently kidnapped and Magna is called and given instructions to steal a Shelby Super Snake. Don’t ask me why he needed to steal it, the bad guys had already prepared it specifically for Magna’s journey. This car has been fully armored and lined with cameras on both the exterior and interior. Throughout the movie, he hears from American Idol “The Voice,” who give him instructions, which seem like very dangerous dares, but apparently are building to a grand villainous plan.
In the first 5 minutes, we are already exposed to a car chase that sets the tone for the rest of the movie. Yes, this is a 90 minute car chase. But don’t get excited, there are plenty of distractions and bad plot points to take away from the excitement of Magna fleeing the cops for the duration of the movie.
The main distraction I speak of is former Barney kid Wizard of Waverly Place Spring Breaker Selena Gomez. I am trying to wrap my head around how this girl gets movie roles. I’m glad she’s not trying to prove her transition to adulthood by twerking with giant teddy bears, but her acting isn’t helping people to take her seriously. She plays the role of “The Kid.” Yes, I’m serious. As Magna takes a break from finding his wife, she tries to steal the car at gunpoint. Thankfully, the movie is smart enough to realize no one could ever buy her as a street smart thug, so they quickly reveal that she is a spoiled rich girl whose favorite possession was the Shelby before it mysteriously disappeared.
Oh, did I forget to mention that the Kid is also a tech wiz? At will, she can hack into the villains’ camera interface and can access the mainframe of Bulgaria’s power mainframe.
This movie takes place in Bulgaria for some reason. Don’t ask me. Also, it’s set during Christmas. I have an issue when a movie is set around Christmas for no explained reason (I’m looking at you Shane Black and Iron Man 3).
So the Kid and Magna are forced to travel together and continue to follow the Voice’s orders and eventually save Magna’s wife. Beyond a ridiculous plot to steal a investment banking hard drive, the real reason that the Voice has put Magna in this position is because Brent Magna is a washed-up race car driver who stopped believing in himself and the Voice wants the disgraced driver to believe in himself again.
Huh?
Ethan Hawke looks embarrassed to be here. This is a big change from his role in one of the year’s best films, Before Midnight. It would have been more fitting if the role of Magna was played by Nicholas Cage. I’m actually surprised they didn’t cast Liam Neeson and call it Taken: 3rd Gear.
Near the end of the movie is a scene that actually feels unique and exhilarating. For a brief scene we view a chase from a 1st person perspective of the Shelby. This high speed pursuit through traffic and stop lights made me excited for the movie this could have been. But it was too little, too late. For a movie about car chases, this one showed far too little of the car and too much of Selena Gomez’s whiny reaction shots.
My favorite part of the movie was when a biker, who is pursuing the Shelby Super Snake, gets shot and crashes into (what seems to be) gas cans, and he explodes. Not only that, but the entire train station explodes. I’m just saying, if you’re an extremely flammable man, then you should not be riding motorcycles.
Some guy tripped over a curb in this scene. Explosive!
Does any of this make sense? If not, then you’ve got a pretty clear idea of how the movie went. Skip this one.
I loved this movie. Car crashes and mindless violence, some of my favorite things. And then….. Selena Gomez opened her mouth. Every time I looked at her I wanted to punch her. Every time she talked I wanted her to die painfully. She took a decent Redbox rental movie into a disaster. Screw you Selena Gomez.