The Watch review

It must be a hard year for PG-13 comedy fans. They have been wholly neglected and won’t get another movie suited for them until the Grown Ups sequel next year. Side note: Give up, it’s no longer worth being a PG-13 humor fan.

Seriously, look at the comedies for the past year. Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum teaming up in a buddy cop movie where they go back to high school. Adam Sandler playing a dysfunctional man child and his son, Andy Samberg, who is embarrassed of him. And a Seth Mcfarlane crap-fest where Mark Wahlberg is best friends with his childhood stuffed bear.

Every single one of those movies screams PG13, but have instead gone the way of crude comedy, each handily earning their R ratings.

Now, we have The Watch. It was once called “Neighborhood Watch” but was changed for obvious reasons. The Watch brings Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn back together for the official first time since Dodgeball. I was shocked when the mediocre trailer for this movie stated the flick was rated R! Yes, Vince Vaughn used to be great and edgy, but has been spending far too much time with vanilla projects like Couple’s Retreat. And Ben Stiller is….just Ben Stiller.

Just to let you know, this movie earns the R.

Stiller plays the average perky guy who manages a Costco. When a bizarre murder takes place overnight in his store, he gathers three uncompassionate civilians played by Vaughn, Jonah Hill, and Richard Ayodade (from the UK’s IT Crowd). This “band of misfits” are the first to discover that….wait for it……..Aliens have invaded their small Ohio town and have plans to bring a massive invasion.

Yes Aliens.

The plot follows this neighborhood posse as they find an alien weapon, bicker amongst themselves, and try to find who among the citizens is an evil alien plotting their destruction.

Wow, you think with how I described the movie that it was terrible! Well surprise, it’s not the worst movie of the year. It’s bad, but not the worst. I go into comedies like this one expecting to keep my arms folded across my chest and sneer at the forced jokes (my experience with Ted). I was pleased when I chuckled at least 7 times! Granted it was when Vaughn was rattling off his typical fast-talking shtick, but I did laugh. You saw my explanation of the plot. It’s pretty much garbage and tries to cover several genres but doesn’t master any.

I really hope you readers saw last year’s fantastic alien thriller/comedy  (Thromedy?) Attack the Block. That film managed to give us a group of characters you cared about and aliens that were very simple but extremely original. The aliens from The Watch look like the love children of the aliens from Independence Day and Mischa Barton. I’m just not sure what this movie is trying to be. It doesn’t have the creativity or homage that Edgar Wright’s crew would out into it nor does it try to appeal to the typical Stiller easy-comedy crowd.Vaughn seems like he really wants this movie to be funny. His delivery is great but he has no one to bounce it off of. Jonah Hill plays against nerdy type as an intense gun nut who always aspired to be a local cop. The disappointment here is Richard Ayodade. Not that he is awful here, but it’s embarrassing to see him in a Rome that feels like it was written for Jemaine Clement. I just expect more from him after The IT Crowd and directing Submarine.

Beyond laughing more than I thought I would. I have to say I don’t remember anything from this movie except for Costco being so prominent. I don’t remember any funny lines or scenes. I couldn’t recommend this to most people. The jokes seem recycled from That’s My Boy and that is nothing to brag about. Will anyone regret seeing this movie? Probably not. The most important question is, will anyone remember funny dialogue or something lasting? Absolutely not. Save your time and money. Don’t watch The Watch. See Batman again.