Adaptation, film concept, studio approval, budget, writing, costuming, casting, filming, post-production, and promotion. These are just a few of the steps that Cats had to go through to be brought to the big screen. How did no one involved, at any of these points, not say “Okay okay, this joke has gone far enough.”?
As someone who gets sincere thrills from cinematic train wrecks, I feel blessed that Cats is a thing and that I got to see it on the big screen.
Cats now joins the ranks of The Room, Troll 2, Plan 9 From Outer Space, and Serenity (2019) as experiences that I will have readily available when someone asks to watch flicks that are so bad, they’re good.
IMDB provides the following synopsis for this beautiful disaster as “A tribe of cats called the Jellicles must decide yearly which one will ascend to the Heaviside Layer and come back to a new Jellicle life.” While that synopsis is technically accurate, it make no sense, especially to someone new to the production.
Essentially, Cats is about the new stray cat Victoria (Francesca Hayward), hearing about a cat talent competition and then proceeds to watch every cat sing an introductory song about themselves…so they can go to heaven?
I would judge the cast for even choosing to take part in this movie, but when the likes of James Corden, Rebel Wilson and Taylor Swift headline the poster, it’s already a lost cause. However, why in the world did Idris Elba sign on to play the overly serious and awkwardly sleek villain Macavity? Joining him in the “fire your agent” cast are Dame Judi Dench and Sir Ian McKellen in roles that are tantamount to elderly abuse.
Not being familiar with the production, I felt that I was on catnip for the first 20 minutes. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and yet, I couldn’t get enough of it. My incredulous smile, brought on by either delirium or sheer joy, lasted well into the movie. It’s the same feeling you get while watching a demolition derby. You know it’s beneath you to be seated watching this pointless carnage, but the destruction calls to your carnal nature and you’re hooked.
But like any house cat, the movie quickly gets tired after chasing the ball of yarn and falls asleep for most of its runtime. I hate calling any movie boring, especially experiences that are so focused on the immersive visuals like this one. Unfortunately, the soundtrack for Cats may work for the stage, but doesn’t translate to film. The score is the one thing that could have had audiences forgetting that there’s little story to speak of. In fact, it may have made audiences go along with the hell-scape kitten human hybrids found somewhere in CG litter.
There is good to be found here. The production design is impressive. The core set jumps between an alley (which brings the small cat perspective to life) and a kitty night club. Also, Jennifer Hudson absolutely kills it with the lone standout, Memory.
In a year where Midsommar and Lighthouse challenged my levels of anxiety and set the barometer for disturbing content, no moment creates more nightmare fuel than fuzzy Rebel Wilson scatting, while mice with childrens’ faces sing doo-wop underneath the kitchen sink and the cockroach Rockettes do their version of Be Our Guest on a birthday cake.
Cats is like an actual cat. It doesn’t care about you. It exists to do what it pleases. It may grace you with its presence on occasion, but if it sees you enjoying it, it will realize its true nature of not giving any cat cares and walk away to live its boring cat life. If it was a bit more lively, I would recommend this as a theater experience to everyone for the insanity alone. Sadly, euphoria of the catnip wears off and it’s just makes you feel sluggish. D
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