It’s no secret that 2013 has been a slow year for quality movies. But do not worry because Summer is almost upon us and it promises big-budget and quality blockbusters. It’s rare to see those aspects combine in Summer action movies. Let’s start off with the first unofficial month of Summer, May.
3 – This is the weekend of Iron Man 3 and the kickoff for the Summer movie season. This movie hopes to follow in Avengers’ footsteps and make us forget about the bad aftertaste of Iron Man 2. Shane Black (Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang) is directing and writing. That’s a very good thing. The trailers have looked very moody, but everyone on the set claims it’s more a comedy. Please don’t be Iron Man 2.5.
10 – After a 6 month delay, Baz Luhrmann’s version of The Great Gatsby is finally being released. Luhrmann is an acquired taste. This movie may give you an artsy cavity with its music video visuals. The cast of Leonardo Dicaprio, Joel Edgerton, Carey Mulligan and Tobey Maguire look great. This will be a date movie for sure.
17 – Iron Man who? Star Trek Into Darkness is the movie of the month. With Benedict Cumberbatch as the mysterious villain, and the rest of the returning cast, this will be a solid and memorable Summer blockbuster. I just liked the first one okay, let’s just hope they don’t have Old Spock appear 17 times again.
24 – Big weekend as Epic, Fast and Furious 6, The Hangover 3 and Before Midnight all release. Epic appeals to kids and will make a fortune. The dumb masses will see a double feature of Fast 6 and Hangover 3, guaranteeing another sequel in each series. Before Midnight will be the best of the bunch, but only seen by 12 people.
31 – This weekend you will see two movies that seem better suited for fall releases, Now You See Me and The Purge. Now You See Me looks to be Oceans 11, but this time with magic. I’m game. The Purge is another home invasion movie where the baddies wear masks. The premise, where all crimes are legal for one day a year, is intriguing.
7 – M. Night Shyalaman makes
another terrible movie his triumphant return with After Earth starring Willow Jaden Smith and cameos by Will Smith. The Smiths (not the band) crash their ship on a future earth where humans no longer exist and animals are at the top of the food chain. Sorry Shyamalan, I’ve given you several chances to win me back as a fan, it’s just too late. Also releasing is the reteaming of Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn in The Internship. I love Wedding Crashers, but this Google-themed movie looks like your typical fish-out-of-water-but-says-dirty-things movie.
12 – This is the End is a movie full of comedic celebrities playing themselves and trying to survive the apocalypse. I like the idea of James Franco and Danny McBride dying in catastrophic ways. Written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, who both wrote Superbad, so that’s good right?
14 – No kryptonite islands this time around. Superman actually gets to punch villains in the latest reboot, Man of Steel, directed by Zack Snyder. Please, please be good. DC’s future in Hollywood rides on this movie, so no pressure.
21- Pixar is back with another sequel in Monsters University. It’s a prequel this time around. From what I hear, people actually like Monsters Inc. In this one, they’ve removed everything that made that movie good (Boo, the factory, Roz) and now Mike and Sully are going to deal with the cliches of college. Yay? In other bad news, a great book will now be a terrible movie. World War Z, starring Brad Pitt, will be a shadow of what it could have been. Bloodless zombies who have the gazelle speed of Usain Bolt and are very good at making human towers. This could be one of the biggest bombs of the year.
28 – The Heat pairs Sandra Bullock with Melissa McCarthy. Bullock is a straight-laced detective, while McCarthy is the tough cop. McCarthy is big business right now and she could make this lady-buddy-cop movie fun. White House Down, with Jamie Foxx and Channing Tatum also comes out…out of the closet. It’s Roland Emmerich at the helm, so there will be ‘splosions.
12 – Grown Ups 2. More home videos of Sandler and his buddies not telling jokes without punchlines. I am sad. In other news, Pacific Rim comes out. Yes, the trailer looks like Godzilla vs Optimus Prime, but early press has been very positive. It has a great cast comprised of Charlie Hunnan, Charlie Day and Idris Elba. I am excited. Plus, Guillermo Del Toro directs this, not Michael Bay.
19 – Red 2. The first one was surprisingly good. This one looks like more of the same, but the same is fun to watch. I’m very excited for The Conjuring. I love moody horror movies and this one does not look disappointing.
26 – The Wolverine is released at the end of July. To redeem the awfulness of Xmen Origins Wolverine, they have decided to reboot/sequel a string of Wolverine movies starting with this story of his time in Japan. Wolverine is due for a cool Nolan-esque movie, but the trailer does not sell this one at all.
31 – Smurfs 2 is released and the world ends. The Mayans were off by a few months.
I’ll save August for another day. I’m just so bummed that Smurfs 2 was made that I need to go cry in the fetal position and be alone for a while.