No one can stand in the way of the onslaught of Marvel dominance, not even their own mediocre movies. Marvel has perfected its formula for selling spectacles targeted towards children and fans of the first Transformers movie.
Don’t get me wrong. There is goodness to be found in the Marvel cinematic universe. They know how to produce fun. I’m a fan of the first Iron Man and The (second) Incredible Hulk. While Marvel has a ton of fun superheroes to put on film, I’ve found that the biggest flaw in Marvel’s armor is that they don’t have a great rogues gallery to draw from. A hero is only as good as his/her villain. How impressive can a hero become if their enemy is a drunk Russian with electro-whips?
The only standout from the Disney-owned villain camp is Loki. Tom Hiddleston is so magnetic in his performance as the God of Mischief, that he overshadows everyone else in his movies, including Thor. I would even argue that Malekith, in Thor 2, was so underdeveloped because most of the decent writing went to Loki. It’s clear that Loki is no longer a villain, but more of an anti-hero at this point. Also, many fans want a stand alone Loki movie. For evidence as to why that’s a bad idea, look no further than Pirates: On Stranger Tides for evidence on why a scene-stealer should never be the lead.
Despite butchering villains like The Mandarin and the Red Skull, Marvel continues to do big business. Later this year we’ll see Benicio Del Toro play Space Liberace in Guardians of the Galaxy. I dug into the trenches of Marvel to find five evil-doers that we may see in an upcoming Marvel flick.
5 – Boomerang featuring Kangaroo
Boomerang (aka Fred Myers) may have been born in Australia, but he moved to the U.S. early on due to his love of baseball. He was talented enough to make it in the big leagues, but was kicked out when he was exposed of accepting bribes and throwing games. This was enough reason for the ‘Secret Empire’ to recruit him and utilize his great pitching arm. They gave him incredible boomerang-type weapons ranging from razorangs, screamerangs and gravityrangs. His life of crime was financed by similarly mediocre Iron Man 2 villain, Justin Hammer.
If Robert Downey Jr signs on for Iron Man 4, there’s a good possibility that Boomerang will be involved. Just picture Tony Stark and Pepper Potts taking a vacation to the outback. While there, they are hunted down by the nefarious Boomerang. Let’s not forget former interior decorator turned super villain, Kangaroo. You just need to picture a guy in an Iron Man suit with ears and a giant tail. Is it wrong I can see this happening?
4 – Turner D. Century
Clifford Michaels grew up in a very strict household in the early 20th century. He was never able to shake his straight-edged values as he grew up. He always looked down on the lascivious lifestyle of 1960’s America. He then adopted the moniker of Turner D. Century. On his wiki page, under abilities it says “He seems to have some knowledge of history and some skill for invention (or access to some contact with these abilities).” As far as strength goes, it says “He has the normal strength of a man his age, height and built who engages in moderate regular exercise.” So, he’s not really a force to be reckoned with. However, for some reason he has a flying bicycle built for two. On the rear seat, rides a mannequin whose head doubles as a napalm bomb. His grand evil plan was to kill everyone under the age of 65 with ultrasonic waves from his Horn of Time (clearly from his flying bike). Sadly, he was only able to knock down everyone under 65, but that’s it.
I don’t doubt that they’ll use Turner D. Century as one of the three villains in Captain America 3. He will be seen in flashbacks as someone who boosted the war effort in WWII, but runs into Cap again in modern times. His old-fashioned values will kick into overdrive and he’ll attack Steve Rogers and call out Cap for letting his moral code go soft. The sad thing is, they’ll show his flying double bike in the trailer and everyone will be stoked about it. Because, well, it’s Marvel.
3 – Asbestos Lady
This life-long arsonist took the name of Asbestos Lady after facing off frequently with the Human Torch. She was enamored with so-called “Asbestos Science” and created a suit made out of asbestos, presumably taken from some ghetto apartment in the projects. She is one of the most successful villains on this list at being evil, seeing that she orchestrated the murder of the asbestos scientist and most of his family. In the end, her death wasn’t brought on by any particular superhero. What was the cause of her grim death you ask? Idiopathic mesothelioma at the age of 45.
I could see her going against Doctor Strange is his eventual movie. His magic bursts of energy will be no match for her asbestos-lined suit…until her own suit eventually kills her.
2 – Eye-Scream
In the world of terrible dad jokes, the pun that is Eye-Scream is king. Eye-Scream only showed up in one issue. He showed up during Kitty Pride’s birthday in a terrible X-Men story. Based on his name, you can guess what his super power was. He was able to liquify himself and become any flavor of ice cream. I’m not kidding. His reign of neapolitan terror came to a close when Professor Xavier turned the AC on and made the room go below freezing. Eye-Scream froze in ice cream form and was helpless.
Okay, hear me out. We all know that Captain America was frozen right? Well, what if there was another survivor on that plane that went down. It did have several Nazi weapons of mass destruction and this other guy melted in the blast and was unearthed alongside Cap. He can be one of the villains in Captain America 3.
1 – Armless Tiger Man
As ridiculous as Armless Tiger Man sounds, Marvel has used him as the villain on several occasions. His unfortunate origin began in the 1940’s as German-born Gustav Hertz. As a child, his arms got stuck in a machine and he lost them both. He developed a life-long hatred of machines. He had to train himself to use his teeth in proxy of his amputated arms. Unlike a common hero, who would take that awful tragedy and become a better person, Gustav went to a life of crime. He was sent by the Nazis to the U.S. to destroy their defensive machinery.
Over the course of Armless Tiger Man’s villainous career, he crossed paths with Captain America, Black Panther and more. Even after he died, he spent time in Hades and still managed to annoy visiting heroes. I can only imagine the excitement of Comic Con 2016, when Joss Whedon takes the stage and introduces the title screen of The Avengers 3: Rise of Armless Tiger Man. Based on their past, Captain America will fight this super villain. He will be joined by Iron Man, who Armless Tiger Man despises because of his reliance on machinery. This will be a great way to introduce Black Panther in the marvel cinematic universe. Even after Armless Tiger Man is killed, he will take on the heroes from the underworld. That is where Thor comes in to finish the battle.