I am generally against remakes and reboots, so I feel terrible even making this list. Horror flick remakes have become a staple every cinematic year. This year we’ve already seen a Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboot even though we saw a previous reboot in 2003. Because of mediocre remakes like Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th, people don’t get overly excited to see the same old thing, only shinier.
With some creativity and a different vision, some horror remakes have excelled. Just look at Fright Night, The Thing (82), The Fly and Dawn of the Dead for remakes that were better than the original source. Even though I’m against most remakes, with the right director and crew behind it, a reboot could give us a new nightmare and possibly a new classic.
The Gill-Man is one of the few classic monsters that has never seen numerous iterations. In the new version of the story, a crew of anthropologists hear a legend from a tribe about the man-fish. As they travel through the Amazon, they discover unexplored locations with deadly creatures. Though, as they explore, they are being stalked by the Gill-Man (played by Doug Jones). The creature kills the crew one by one until he can take the lone female of the group. The best director for creating this world and the monsters in it would be Guillermo Del Toro.
I almost hate to mess with this 1988 cult classic. But surely we can do better than lead Rowdy Roddy Piper. This movie is all about a mysterious pair of sunglasses. When you put them on, you can see the hidden messages in everything around you. Also, you can see who among you is an alien in disguise. Forgive me for saying this, but I think it’s time that Quentin Tarantino should make a horror flick. By adding clever dialogue and a great lead, this could become one of his most enjoyable flicks. Maybe there was a reason that the Reservoir Dogs liked to wear sunglasses. Also, with his use of genre-crossing in every movie, he would be able to show a unique perspective every time the hero put on the glasses. And we all know that the movie would have to end with a climactic, overly-bloody battle.
3 – Critters
Don’t ask me why, but I watched Critters all the time as a kid. This 4 film series is basically the poor man’s Gremlins. Basically, the Crites crash to a small Kansas farm in a comet. Their only purpose is to eat everything and everyone in sight. Being an 80’s movie, there is a standard rag-tag group of kids that fight the Critters, who are also being pursued by intergalactic bounty hunters. Ha, this stuff writes itself. I think Neil Marshall of “The Descent” fame would create terrifying looking critters and intimidating bounty hunters. There’s no need for the kid actors this time around. We all know how annoying kid actors can get.
2 – The Amityville Horror
Sadly, I think this series is still going. The original 1979 movie is good, but nowhere near the classic that some describe it as. And yes, this was rebooted in 2005 with Ryan Reynolds, but horror has come a long way even since then. Ed and Lorraine Warren were involved with the original investigation at the Amityville house, yet the movies never tell that story. The upcoming movie, The Conjuring, tells about one of their investigations. I see no reason why we can’t see more from Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga in their roles as the Warrens. This one should be directed by (Conjuring, Saw and Insidious) director James Wan.
1 – It
For being a TV miniseries, It was unforgettable. Tim Curry’s Pennywise ruined clowns for everyone. It also ruined balloons and storm drains. To this day, every time I see a clown, I hear the words “Beep, beep Richie!” and “They all float down here!” <Shudder>
But as terrifying as that clown was, there is always a bad aftertaste when it comes to It. It’s that blasted spider at the end. Now I know that’s Stephen King’s fault and not the original series. He wrote it that way and he sadly doesn’t know how to end a book. Though with the right director and auteur behind the camera, they could change the ending and give us a start-to-finish terror-ride. It should also be two movies. The best director for the new “It” would have to be Frank Darabont. He has a proven track record with King adaptations (Shawshank, Green Mile and The Mist). Plus he was the original showrunner for The Walking Dead (when it was good). It’d be near impossible to replace Tim Curry. Who knows, maybe he can play the role again.